Day 6 Commitment and Habits

Day 6

Commitment and Habits


Duty, Responsibility and Commitment
Commitment means aiming for the best possible sharing and growth for your relationship — for you and for your partner as circumstances allows. Commitment, however, does not mean being chained to a stagnant unfulfilling, unrewarding or outgrown relationship (with no passion or intimacy). But, you should know what you are committing to. What is your commitment level…and what is your partners?

To strengthen your bonds (or know that it’s time to pack your bags) …have a serious discussion about this “sensitive” yet necessary topic. A common problem many couples experience and don’t even know about it is, the difference in level of commitment between the partners. In order to have all the love (passion and intimacy) you want from your partner, you have to be on similar levels on foundational aspects of your relationship. There will always be a difference between the general level of commitment and desire of one partner for another. But is one just in it for the sex, while the other is thinking about marriage and children? You can’t make a person be “more committed” to you! Lol either
they are or not, but it can be useful for you to understand where the other person’s long range relationship goals are (their intentions).

Talking about delicate issues like commitment, demand the utmost in honesty between both members of a relationship. Some of us guys get nervous when it’s time to talk about our feelings. But we all have to learn to open up an express our intentions and feelings to be more fulfilled. It is expected that there are anxieties and fantasies by both partners around what it means to be dependent upon another,to be united as a couple, different expectations and fear about what the future may bring. Couples who learn how to talk and openly discuss their concerns are well on their way to higher levels of love together. In this day and age commitment is definitely more fluid…it means different things to different people, and not always ending up in marriage. Even more, our feelings about relationships — being in one,
committing to one, will have lot to do with our experience and with past relationships. But be aware of this and try to treat your current relationship like it’s your last. Enjoy it and strive to improve it, and be in it as long as it feels good to you. Always ask yourself and your partner: What can we do to make our love grow? What should we do, individually and together, to build our relationship?

Habits and Relationships
As humans we all have habits. When I come home from work, the first thing I wanna do is go sit down and watch the news and relax. I see no problem with this, but my partner would wish I would start dinner or do something else! Sometimes we have to look at our habits to decide if they are helping or hurting us (and our relationships) and make adjustments.

How can breaking bad habits improve my relationships?
Breaking bad habits can improve you in many ways. Drink too much? Watch too much t.v. ? Leave your clothes all over? On facebook /twitter too much ? So what is a Habit ? A habit is any kind of automatic action or response that we do so often, that it becomes almost involuntary. It’s good to have a habit of brushing your teeth every morning. Some would say it’s bad to drink every night. Habits can be broken or course, but it does require some effort. If we consider a habit to be undesirable (harmful) then we may label it a “bad habit”. First thing to do is make a list of four (4) habits that you want to break (or change). Decide upon two (2)  habits that you are changing for you, and two (2) habits you are changing for the
betterment of your relationship.

If necessary sit with your partner to find out what they would like you to change (habit). Making financial decisions are not a bad habit, but if you are making them without consulting your partner, then it can be an issue of contention (hence a “bad habit”).
The mind is where all habits are created. Once you have decided on what habits you want to change, next is to understand why you need to change them. Go back to your list and jot down a few key things that make that habit “bad” and how does it affect you (and your relationship). As you look at your list, your logical mind will try and rationalize why you need to keep what you are dong…resist this ! lol Ex. Well I have to eat junk food late because I get home late from work and I am too tired to cook. It may sound rational, but is it really? Look at how it affects your health (extra weight) and your pocketbook (expensive). Look at how it affects your skin (dry, sallow, acne, etc). Look at how it affects your energy levels (low…from all that fat and fried foods). Can you see where I’m going with this ? The more you can list the negative side affects of a habit, the easier you can see…how it harms you. The easier it will be to change it.

After you decide you want to change, you can now introduce an alternative (altered) habit in it’s place. The eating situation can be remedied by preparing a few healthy meals on the weekend and freezing them. So, cooking on the weekend now becomes a new habit you start, as an alternative to your old one. Confine your junk food to just the weekends (as a treat or reward for achieving a goal). When the thoughts hits you to indulge in that habit, you must switch out of that thought before it takes root in your mind and gathers momentum.Once you have lingered on a particular thought, that thought attracts other similar thoughts. As soon as that thought hits you, think of something else immediately. You see a McDonalds commercial and that Big Mac starts to talk to you. Switch the channel immediately (a typical commercial is 30 seconds). This is how you change habits, and after 5-7 days you will have created new and improved habit instead. Don’t try and tackle more than a one big one (or 2-3 “small” ones) at a time. Reinforce the new habit you are trying to develop, by rewarding yourself. You cooked 4 nutritional meals on the weekend for use during the week. Now you can reward yourself by doing something else you like (not related to food! Lol). Treat yourself to getting your nails done or getting the car detailed…whatever that brings a smile to your face. The key is to make the process feel as good as you can. Logic does not always work, but your feelings always do.

Stress in Relationships
What is Stress? Stress is the emotional and physical strain caused by our response to pressure from the outside world. The pressure! The weight! The mental Strain and Anguish! Common stress reactions include tension, irritability, inability to concentrate, and a variety of physical symptoms that include headache and a fast heartbeat. It’s almost impossible to live without some stress. And most of us wouldn’t want to, because it gives life some spice and excitement. But if stress gets out of control, it may harm your health, your relationships, and your enjoyment of life. Stress can make it difficult for anyone to manage through the day, let alone work toward developing the healthy self and healthy relationships. This is why we are encouraged to reduce stress as much as possible by eliminating some of our stressors.

Stressors are the cause of emotional stress that builds up from bills, raising children, in marriages, and so on. Of course, we cannot reduce all stressors, but we can minimize some to make our life livable. We have the inner strength and many resources to complete the task of reducing stress. The stress we cannot reduce, thus we must learn to thrive on it rather than allow it to get us down. Some of the best ways to reduce unmovable stress is through meditation, which encourages your mind and body to relax. I use the gym as my stress reliever. You may want to find a new hobby or some other way (other than facebook and instagram) to drain your stress away. Hit the gym , hit the treadmill …Walking (maybe together ???) a great stress reliever. Facebook and Twitter is just not enough! Lol
Stress can wear down your nerves and stress your mind to the point that you start
to develop illnesses, such as depression.

Depression ultimately will rob you of joy and peace, and will eventually cause other illnesses to develop. Stress can develop into many health issues. Some of the things stress can cause, include heart failure, strokes, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems, it can make you go into a deep depression, which these health conditions are not good for any ones health. So being stress free as much as possible would be healthier for you and your body.  Is your relationship causing the stress, or are you bringing stress to the relationship? This may require some candid introspection on your part, or discussions with your partner. Always remember that you have the power to change you, but you do not have the power to change anyone else. Therefore, the most important thing you must do is work to improve your life first. The rest will follow in accord. Do not forget to encourage relaxation in your life. Set up a stress management plan that includes a
time management plan so that you can find time for you. Only you know your body/mind and what it needs in order to relax. Find time to discover yourself.