Well, if you are around the same person all of the time, doing the same darn things…. Psychologists tell us that our subconscious mind builds resentment towards that person. Remember, while you were dating, you had to schedule your rendezvous. Time was always an issue. As you move from casual to serious relationship, each partner is much more available; and it “get’s worse” (lol) when you move in together! Take in a Broadway Play, a night out on the town…don’t count the money, count the love.
Before we go any further, think back to the beginning of your relationship. What were some of things you used to do to each other to make you smile? The little things that you have stopped doing (familiarity lol). Bring them back. The unannounced kiss and hugs…for no reason. The smile , for no reason. The small thoughtful things go the furthest when it comes to love and building emotional connections with our partners. The little poems you wrote her (him). The little sexy texts you sent him. The touches and kisses and romantic little sayings and things that we slowly drop as the relationship gets “serious” and we start to take each other for granted. Romance. When couples become familiar with each other, then things begin to go stale because:
1. We take each other for granted
2. Sex loses that “new car smell”
3. The “stress” of maintaining a relationship… begins to build
When you first met, you put your best foot forward. While the men are more focused physically on a relationship, the women are more focused mentally and emotionally on the relationship. Both parties however are floating on the “newness” of it all. It’s the newness that attracts you. Scientists have done studies that show that couples who stay together the longest; are ones who are constantly learning and/or doing new things together. Constantly injecting newness into your relationship is the sure fire way to counteract familiarity. Be avid against routine. Don’t always be available to each other. Cultivate outside interests and friends. Do things together, but also do things apart. Make it a point to try a different diner, or movie house on a regular basis. Make it a point to inject new fun into your relationship, by special date night and one-on-one time that you used to do in the beginning. This is a must for older couples and married couples. Flirting helps to keep a level of healthy passion in your relationship even outside of the bedroom.
What to do when Sex loses that “new car smell’
Typically when people vent about their relationship issues, they complain, “We don’t even have sex anymore”. Sex is a barometer of what is going on in your relationship. You notice the lack of sex first (or the non-fulfilling feeling of it) . But your real problem maybe lack of communication (that’s another article). Most people do agree however, that sex is important in a relationship. One a scale of 1- 10, I may rate it a 7 and you may say it’s an 8… then we are compatible in that department. Yet even good sex can become familiar and stale. When you first met,
and you were courting (sex was always on your mind). But as you began to get it on a regular basis (familiarity)…then the enjoyment (passion) took a dip.
Some couples subconsciously create arguments just to have great make-up sex. Just to ease the staleness of regular sex. But you can be proactive, by stepping out of the box sexually. Your bodies my not be new, but you have to find new things to do with them. Make up days like explore Friday Nights…or Erotic Tuesday nights, or Freaky Saturday Afternoon delights.. lol you make up some stuff. Wear costumes, lingerie and attires and make love while reading the Kama sutra, sex yoga, take aphrodisiacs, sensual erotic massage, talk dirty to each other, pillow fights, strip poker, go to a swingers event or sex club and watch.
Add Sex…without Sex
If you are a woman reading this, you will find this easier to do. Sex is energy and there are things you can do to create the energy of sex…without actually having sex. Weaving fantasy and fun back into the relationship. You did this very easily when you were courting…how to get that sex feeling…or sensual feeling. What did you do? Kissing and touching, holding, cuddling, smiling. Called him/her in the morning before you went to work. Sent flowers, a sexy text or whatever. But there was no actual sex yet.
Casual…sensual contact. You created the energy of it. But once you guys started sexing and moved in together…lol it all went out the window. We forget to easily. We get distracted and caught up with whatever else. Once the kids come along, this stuff is pushed aside and forgotten. Make it a point everyday to think of a way to make her or him feel ….how much you still desire them. You can express this thru a kiss on the lips, thru a phone call or simply thru cooking dinner. Add sex to your relationship without taking your clothes off. Challenge yourself and make it a game, enjoy it… the art of seduction and teasing.
Discover his and her erroneous zones together. Try and weave spontaneous things in as well. If you are a couple who have children together, you need at least 2 nights a month just for the two of you to enjoy alone and together. Spontaneous sex is great (remember that?). Role-play is my favorite and never fails to excite. Bring in some costumes and rubber, latex, leather, handcuffs, dvds, blue movies, whips, chains and what ever else you need to explore each other’s wild side. Do a lot of nibbling, licking, touching and sucking. Try a nice bubble bath or shower together once a week to ease the stress, finish off with a nice relaxing massage and nature should kick right in for you.