Day 3 Getting to Know your Partner better

Day 3

Getting to Know your Partner better

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Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. Can you tell you partner anything? Does your partner really…feel you ? Can you think a random thought, and they pick it up? This is communication….when it is effortless and magical. It starts with talking. It starts with touching. It starts with taking moments out of your busy schedule; to think of them.
Can you talk to them about your hopes and dreams and…your sexual fantasies ? We all know that establishing good communication is the way to improve our relationships. But what do you do to achieve this? Talk more? Send your loved one texts or love notes? Talking is how you came together in the first place, but when relationships cement, then people find it hard to talk about their feelings.

Experts are quick to tell us that communication is mostly non-verbal (about 75%). How do you communicate non-verbally with your eyes, face and hand gestures ? Do you know how your partner conveys their thoughts and feelings to you? When my lady is silent , I know something is wrong. Before I even ask her what is wrong (she always says “nothing”) …. I try and read her body language. I’ll run thru my thoughts and scan quickly that last few hours in my mind…to see if something sticks out. What have I done in the last few hours or days…that may have affected her? Feel them out. Guys may find it more difficult in this department, but all it takes is desire. If I have a serious topic that I want to talk about with my mate, I just ponder on it. I find it difficult to open up… However, I have found that writing helps me to get my feelings out. Once I can see them on paper, it is easier for me to talk about it. Set up a time that both of you can get together and enjoy some quality time. 

Talking should not be a hard thing to do, but sometimes is. When I have something serious to talk about (like the raising of our daughter), I find that getting relaxed helps a lot. We live such stress filled lives this day and age. Stress gets in the way.
If you are feeling very stressed from work, chances are you don’t wanna talk. Let’s get relaxed! Pour your mate a bubble bath and some wine…you can talk about anything that away. My number one rule for anybody is: Never ever talk about sexual problems in bed.
While you are spending time with our partner, you can’t always escape topics that may cause stress. When the two of you are ready, begin discussing the problems in a calm matter. People make the common mistake of communication when emotions are in an uproar. You want to avoid this.

How to Communicate Better
Give your partner your undivided attention when they are talking. Should you be  watching t.v. while they are talking? By the same token, if you see your partner is not in a great mood, save important conversations for later. If you do talk, maintain that all important eye contact. This says that you respect what they are saying and how they are feeling. I’m not a good listener… my weakness! I love to talk lol, but I had to learn. Listen. Don’t jump to the defense and start yapping off at the mouth. As they are talking, watch their eyes and hands and facial expressions. Let them talk and get it all out. Be sure that you have an open mind…look like you are really into what they are saying to you (even if you don’t feel it). Try and remember it, so you can re-play it in your mind later.

Be honest but not hurtful with your words. Communication will not occur if you are not open and honest (but concerned about their feelings too). Don’t just say what you think they wanna hear. If you are not sure if you can do this face to face…then write them a short note. Why not? Sometimes we have to try unorthodox methods to get the results we need. If possible, have a quiet, isolated place where you talk privately. My wife and I use the bathroom to talk. It has become part of our daily ritual to enjoy a glass of wine in the evening and talk in the bathroom for 15-20 minutes. I’ll sit on the edge of the tub and she sits on the sink counter. Try and avoid distractions. It is difficult to communicate with children, relatives or friends around. You may want to make it a point to have a regular thing you do…that relaxes you both and induces conversation easily. Don’t try and talk…. Just say…”so how was your day? “

If you need additional clarification, say so. If you can’t see their point of view, ask for further explanations. Sometimes it’s just a matter of putting yourself in their shoes. How would you respond in their situation? Make time for each other. Work, household chores and the kids can zap our time, and make it hard to spend quality time with our spouses. To keep the lines of communication open, always make time for each other. Arrange weekly or biweekly date nights, and schedule in at least 30-minutes of interrupted couples-time each day. Once you learn how to better communicate with your partner, your whole relationship will turn around. Again, starting a relaxed communication is the first step in improving your relationship. You both can enjoy casual talk while relaxing, which will organically set the mood for romance.

Day 3 points to ponder
Write down the things about your partner that makes them stand out in your eyes. The better you can communicate with your partner, the better you will know them. What do they like to do? What makes them laugh, or bring them joy? Spend a few moments a day just thinking of your partner and sending them good thoughts and energy. Too frequently we are in complaint mode, and we think of them… sending them “complaint mode” thoughts and energy

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How to develop your own self esteem

*****You are the most important person in a Relationship*****

In order to enjoy a passion filled relationships you must feel a measure of peace and tranquility yourself. How can you give love to somebody, if you can’t give yourself enough love? How much time do you spend on yourself in the relationship, or does your whole world revolve around your partner (and/or thekids) ?

Take a moment right now and write down what you want out of your relationship.
1. Stable Companionship
2. Children
3. Good Sex and Affection
4. Financial help

You have to make your own list. If you are not sure what you want in a relationship…then how can you focus on it and pursue it? I take a few minutes nearly every day to review my goals and where I am in relationship to those goals. I see my relationship as one of the ways to help me to realize my life-long goals. In order to do this, I try to make improvements within myself everyday. I have a little memo on my Blackberry where I keep a list of my
flaws and strengths. It seems logical to me that the better I get, the better my relationship gets. It seems logical to me that my flaws are stubbornly standing in the way of that.

I already know that I have a problem with being romantic, so I this has to be on my list ,….
I thumb thru my lists every so often not to badger myself, but to remind myself. To give myself something to reach for.

Your Self-Esteem
Your own self-confidence (self esteem) is something that makes us stronger and guides us to success. How do you feel about yourself in the morning when you wake up? When we lack confidence in ourselves, it spills over into our relationships. Jealousy and other negative motions raise their ugly head when our self esteem is low. Self knowledge is the key to success for building up your self esteem. Who are you? What do you like? What do you want? What makes you Happy..and feeling good? Decide on what things you can change and not change and let go. Accept responsibility for your own happiness. If your partner is mad and upset, that does not mean it has to affect you too, go to the mall or your favorite place and keep yourself feeling good.

I have my list of strengths and flaws to review so I can improve me… I’m competing with myself and nobody else. If you challenge yourself to do something new and outside the box, it helps to bolster your confidence. Don’t beat yourself up…you make a mistake.. so what ?! Don’t let you or your partner badger you about this. Don’t let your mom or dad or anybody else try and dump that guilt trip on you. Be eager to give compliments and you will get them in return. But more importantly give yourself compliments. Damn you look fine! Stand in the mirror if you need to and look into your eyes. I also use the mirror exercise to bolster my
self- confidence.

Set new goals for yourself on a regular basis. Reward yourself when you meet that goal! Make it a point to learn something new everyday. Challenge yourself, reach for higher levels in all things you do. What ever interests you have, you should learn something new about it everyday. Read an article online or watch a YouTube video. Speak only in positive terms and words. Cultivate optimism. Always think to yourself…”what’s the best possible outcome if I do this” ? Expect the best, and you will get more of it. This also goes with your partner too. If you expect them to come home in a bad mood, or to be angry at so and so …they will. Always expect the outcome that you would like to see. Smile more! Some people just don’t know how to be happy. What makes you smile ? Do more of that. Think more of that. Enjoy more of that (healthily). Only hang out with people who make you feel good and have strong healthy relationships too. If you are hanging out with your peeps, and all they do is
talk/complain about their bad relationships…change friends. 

Goals

When you set goals, it boosts your self-image, and confidence. Goals will keep you thinking positive so you can make changes in your life. Have goals for yourself and goals for your relationship. Goals are positive enforcers that encourage us all to keep striving toward a better tomorrow. Constant improvement. Write your goals down and let yourself daydream and imagine how good you will feel to achieve them. If your goal is to move into a bigger house by the following year…. Then dwell on that feeling. Put yourself on that “goal completion vibration”. Get out and look at some houses that you would love to live in. Go to a furniture store and pick out new furniture in your mind. Get into the feeling and vibration of your goal.

Don’t worry about the details, of “how” and the “money” part. That will keep you farther from your goal….If you are setting your goal to complete your college degree, get into that feeling. How will it feel to have that degree hanging on the wall in your living room? How good will it feel to get that better job (with that better money). Be sure you make sure everyday you are taking mental and physical steps towards your goal. Your feelings are powerful magnets that help you to attract what you want in life…use them !
Goals
1. To Increase the Level of Passion and Affection in my Relationship
2. To Lose 15 Pounds
3. To Move to a Bigger House
4. To Start my own Business (carpet cleaning)
Your first goal should be the most important one, since this is what you think will give you the most personal satisfaction right now. Goals written down, (I use my cellphone memo pad) allow for you to view and focus on them (and adjust them as necessary).

Each of your goals must bring you positive rewards from your efforts to achieve them. They must feel realistic and attainable to you. Be sure you have some kind of way to measure your success at achieving your goals. When you achieve a goal, reward yourself. By receiving positive rewards (pleasure), it builds strength of character and self confidence. .When you do something rewarding for you, it keeps you focused on positive things that drive you to succeed. Don’t be scared to talk to yourself and get in your face. Demand better of yourself
(who else is going to?) You have to be your best coach and motivator. Using self-talk, affirm that you are in control of your life. Let your mind know that you are working toward a healthier self while building a more passionate relationship. By building your inner strength, you improve your relationships and your overall life. Reprogramming and reshaping the mind is the start toward more love, sex and passion in our relationships.