Love and Relationships (a better understanding)
You ask 100 people what love is, and you will get 100 different answers.
To quote Paramahansa Yogananda: “To describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of an orange. You have to taste the fruit to know its flavor. So is with love.”I personally like to define love as …. a bond or connection between two (or more) people that results in trust, intimacy, and an interdependence; a connection on mental and physical levels…that enhances both partners. I think when we “make love” to somebody, we are physically expressing our emotional feeling toward our partner. We are expressing our willingness to make them feel good and our desire to want that good feeling reciprocated at an equal (or greater) intensity. Sex is a part of Love..that rare essence. To me, the sexual experience can be the single most loving, most exciting, most powerful, most renewing, most energizing, most intimate, most uniting, most stress-relieving thing that we can share as human beings.
Love is friendship set on fire. – Jeremy Taylor
The key to increased love, sex and passion in your relationship…starts with changing yourself. Lol ! I know you didn’t want to hear that, but its true. You are the most important person in your relationship. We are always quick to look at the other person and point the finger. Why did you make me mad? Why did you make me feel miserable? Always remember that you have the power to change you, but you do not have the power to change anyone else. In this book, we are going to focus on self improvement first and examining how we view relationships and what we expect to get from them. Therefore, the most important thing you must do is work to improve your life first. The rest will follow on its own.
This book is a reflection of my life experiences as well as talking to many successful couples trying to glean their magic. IS there a magic formula? How do you find that perfect person for yourself as your compliment? What does it take for a couple to come together and lively harmoniously? Relationships are not the same as they used to be when my mom and dad were growing up. People have changed (society)…and their needs and wants have changed as well. Then there is that “old school” ideal of meeting, getting married and having kids …and staying together until you died. Does that even happen anymore? Couples now question if that is for them. Open Relationships now abound, people are living together instead of
getting married. With social media like facebook and twitter and all these other ways to meet people, new relationships are easily formed. But if you brought this book, it’s because you are in a relationship and want to improve it, /or you are trying to attract the right relationship for yourself. But let’s first ask ourselves, why do we form relationships anyway?
I’m with my lady because she is similar to me…just female! Lol Sounds funny I know ! We both go to the gym (I met her there), we both like similar music, foods and movies. We both have similar views on child rearing (we have a daughter together) . We both have similar lifetime goals. Many times our relationships are doomed to failure because we saw that big booty and “fell in love”. We saw that sexy smile and “fell in love”. The sex was so great, it made you think about them all the time…and you “fell in love”. Was it love or lust ? lol Why are we attracted to other human beings and seek to make them a central part of our lives? Without trying to get too deep and spiritual lol, let’s explore this for a moment. Since the very beginning of time humans have come together into couples, groups and society at large.
We are social creatures. It is my observation that we are attracted to that, which gives us pleasure. We are attracted to that which makes us feel good. We recoil from that which gives us dis-pleasure or discomfort. I believe our relationships also serves a dual purpose. We invite somebody in to our existence to “help” us to feel good more often. Do you like those kisses, hugs and things you do together? Usually you feel good (or better) when in the company of your partner. The second reason we are in relationships, is because it is the perfect setting in which to cause us to learn, expand and grow as individuals… As human
beings we are only truly happy when we are learning something new, experiencing something new, feeling something new! We need contrast, newness, differentness and excitement and expansion…that’s just how we humans are wired. Would you watch the same t.v. show over and over and over? Would you enjoy eating the same meal….for every meal day after day after day?
The human relationships that we form is really the basis of the school of life that causes us to learn expand and grow. The tension and stress in a relationship is there as a way for YOU to develop something new and different within yourself. Only you can make you happy, but you would never learn anything in isolation. If you lived on an island, not only would you be lonely, you would have nobody to help you develop and test your ability to compromise, be creative and expand your own strengths and weaknesses. In this book, you will find that I speak a lot about taking responsibility in your relationship. You are the most important person in the relationship because you can only change you. As you change, improve and get
better, your relationship will change, improve and get better.
We all want Love and Good Sex in our relationships. We want Passion and Intimacy communication and “spiritual connectedness”in our relationships too, but this only occurs if we get the right partner suited for us. If you hook up with the wrong person, you will feel good in the beginning, but that will drop quickly as your true incompatibility starts to show. What makes two people compatible?
The secret is: Finding (attracting) someone who shares a lot of your likes and things that bring you pleasure. I think our parents try to steer us on the “right” track, they tell us to look for certain virtues in our partner. They tell us find a man that has a good job. Find a woman that can cook, etc etc. In reality these things have little to do with our long term happiness in our relationships. We get a smattering of other good advice too, but basically we are on our own. As a result, most of us are not well trained or equipped to be able to select the right partner in life.
Therefore, we go from relationship to relationship, unfulfilled and frustrated. Some of us get to the point where we throw up our hands and give up… resigning ourselves to be alone…rather than put up with all the pain and stress of a relationship. But, in the back of your mind, you don’t really want to be alone; you just want someone that really “gets you”. So let’s review the way to really get the person you want.
Day 1 questions and points to ponder
What does love mean to you? What are the duties and responsibilities (resources)
that you bring to the table and what do you expect in return? Take time to write down your expectations and what you desire in a relationship. Specifically list what will make you happy in this relationship. What if your partner can’t provide this or that point?…is that a deal breaker for you?